Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
