Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
