Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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