My liver just broke up with me...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
