Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
