Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
