I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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