I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
