some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
