i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
