I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
