my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
