fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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