Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
