My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
