you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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