none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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