Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
