Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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