I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
