Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
