hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
