Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
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