i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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