somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
