This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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