Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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