I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Congratulations! We have a period
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