It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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