apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
