I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
