I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
