I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
