i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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