PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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