Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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