Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
