i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
