Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
