You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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