Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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