She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
