The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
