Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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