working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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