If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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