please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
