Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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