Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
