Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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