So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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