Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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